Jessie Hemphill
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Why You Should Cry at Work and Swear on TV

6/19/2015

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People are losing their minds over "Daily Show" host Jon Stewart's comments yesterday about the racially-motivated shooting in Charleston. Not only because the shooting itself is worth losing your mind over, but at Stewart's candor (and refusal to make jokes) in the face of such a heart wrenching story. Here is one of my favourite quotes:
"I honestly have nothing other than just sadness once again that we have to peer into the abyss of the depraved violence that we do to each other and the nexus of a just gaping racial wound that will not heal, yet we pretend doesn’t exist. And I’m confident, though, that by acknowledging it, by staring into that and seeing it for what it is, we still won’t do jack s—. Yeah. That’s us."
I think Stewart's reaction, and in turn our reactions, highlight a truth that is so blindingly obvious but often overlooked: We are all desperately seeking signs that yes, we live in a world full of other human beings, full of feelings and tears and blood and imperfection just like us.

It drives me crazy that we so often try to eliminate emotion from how we present ourselves to the world. Earlier this week I was in Toronto for a meeting of the Canadian Women's Foundation's Girls' Fund Advisory Committee. We provide funding to organizations that support and empower girls between 9-13 years old. At the meeting we talked about all kinds of awful realities that girls in Canada (and everywhere!) are dealing with - sexual exploitation and trafficking, self-harm and suicide, eating disorders and insane media pressures, sexual and other types of abuse, and on and on. It's heartbreaking stuff, and we should feel really sad about it. The fact that we're working REALLY hard to make those problems go away doesn't negate the fact that they make us sad.

At the end of this two-day meeting, working through these issues and how we can do our small part to help, one of the participants was asked to share a story of a recent visit to a First Nations community, to hear a bit about how their girls' program had gone. As she spoke about what a beautiful day it had been, and how moved she was to hear the stories about the participant girls, and especially as she recounted some of the challenges those girls face, she began crying. And it was fantastic. All of a sudden, her story seemed so much more important, because it was real. It was emotional. It was human, and she was offering her vulnerability as a vehicle for sharing that story. That is a powerful and generous gift. And yet, she was so apologetic for crying (even though nobody seemed uncomfortable about it) and I think this points to the reality that we are often made to feel that being professional means eliminating emotion from our behaviour.

So, that's why I'm excited about this Jon Stewart thing - he's role modelling emotional responses to emotional events, and I think we can all learn from that and try to bring a little more emotion, a little more heart, into our work. 

Putting the Idea Into Practice:

For all of you facilitators out there, here are two ideas for how to bring emotion into the room when you're facilitating, and how to gracefully deal with emotional expression - I welcome your additional ideas and storie!

Opening An Event: Are You a Robot?
One thing I love to do, to get participant attention and set the tone at the beginning of a workshop or conference, is to say "Could all the robots in the room please raise your hands?" and then waiting for a beat as people think through the question and look at you like your crazy. Then I say "OK, please raise your hand if you are a human being" and, of course, almost everyone raises their hand! 

Then I say something like "Seeing that we're all human beings, let's give each other permission, starting right now, to act lilke human beings. If you need to use the bathroom, use the bathroom. If you need to eat, eat. If you need to step out to deal with an emergency, by all means take care of yourself, and if you need to cry please let it flow. This is a safe place, and for the time that we are in this room together, we are a community and we must care for one another."

A Moment of Silence
Sometimes something happens in a meeting that just knocks you off track, because it is so awful, so terrifying, and/or so huge that you just can't go back to whatever is on the agenda without some kind of acknowledgement and healing. I've been in meetings where elders, after a lifetime of keeping it secreet, disclose detailed stories of sexual abuse in community meetings. I've been in conferences where young women ask for a moment of time to seek all of the participants' help in finding a missing loved one. I've been in workshops where someone fell out of their chair and we had to call an ambulance to take hinm to the hospital. 

In moments like this, never be afraid (once the person has finished speaking/crying/loading into the ambulance) to acknowledge the weight of what has just happened, perhaps ask someone to share a prayer or healing song (if it's appropriate to your group) and take a good long moment of silence for everyone to reflect on what has happened. Sometimes you may also wish to get everyone to take some deep breaths or do another grounding activity to symobolically release some of the sadness and re-connect to themselves and the rest of the group.

If possible, it is great to have a lovely, soft chime (or small tibetan singing bowl, (thank you Aftab for that idea) to mark the end of a moment of silence in a more graceful way.

And, of course, don't ever be afraid to let emotion in to your facilitating. People will likely connect with you in a stronger, more authentic way, and you honour yourself as a human being, not a robot.
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Much love to you, and if you get a chance please read Derrick Weston Brown's poem about Charleston - another evocative emotional response to emotional events.

-JH
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On Reconciliation, the TRC Report, and What Happens Next?

6/2/2015

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Many of us have been engaged in the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) process in one way or another over these last six years - paying attention to the news coverage, attending the community gatherings, participating in marches, protests, and walks. Over 6,000 residential school survivors and loved ones shared their testimony, a feat which should inspire any of us trying to engage people around challenging, terrifying issues. So, in that sense, today's release of the final report of the TRC seems like the end to something. But it's not.

This report contains 94 recommendations for everyone, from the Pope, to all levels of government, and to all Canadian citizens. That's you. That's me. That's all of us. This is a call to action for all of us to take active, challenging steps to repair this wound, this rift between communities, between what we think Canada stands for, and what it has actually stood for. 

As Tim Harper reported in the Toronto Star, "The chair of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission Canada has reminded us that mature nations confront their darkest periods. They do not run from them, they learn from them and they try to right them. And he has reminded us that the ugly legacy of our residential schools is not an aboriginal problem, but a Canadian problem."

This report, and the attention it is suddenly garnering from all corners, is so thrilling that I can hardly believe it's true. Things have come so far even in the last five years that I've been an elected leader - I can't even imagine what it's like to see the tide turning for those who grew up in the worst times of abuse, oppression and racism.
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Beyond my excitement, as a First Nations woman, to see so many people talking about the need to understand the history of residential schools and find paths to reconciliation (#2reconcile anyone?), I think this report has some clear implications for two of my communities, the comprehensive community planning folks and also the local government folks, and I'd like to share some thoughts for each:

Comprehensive Community Planners: This report supports what we have been trying to do for years - find more support and resources to strengthen the social fabric of our communities through healing programs, family supports, sports and recreation, culture and language, and loving, rehabilitative care for all who need it. 


Some will say that the report overstepped by including recommendations in these areas, claiming "...its voluminous recommendations – 94 in total, ranging from sports policy to funding for the CBC – have done aboriginal Canadians a disservice..." claiming that it should have focused on areas like education and land claims. But we know, don't we, that community healing is the foundation for educational, economic, and political successes. That sports program just might be the thing that helps some kid develop the confidence and discipline to pursue post secondary education - the legacy of residential schools is that so many of our people need these foundational programs and opportunities that are taken for granted off-reserve.

Local Government Officials: This report is a clear call to action, for those that haven't already undertaken to adopt reconciliatory practices into the way your government operates. I am proud to say that in Port Hardy we have at least started the work of building bridges with local First Nations (though we have a long way to go) by forming a First Nations Relations Committee with the mandate of fostering reconciliation and relationship building, and by acknowledging the territories at the start of Council meetings. Other towns and cities are doing their own things, from declarations to councillor workshops, and even the UBCM and FCM have made declarations about the need for reconciliation in the last couple of years. 


I think the message is that we need to keep going, and bring all of our political pressure to bear on higher levels of government to adopt these recommendations and start to take concrete actions which we will see benefit all of our communities.

- J
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Background and Resources:

Here's a great little video from the Globe and Mail that uncovers the gaps between Aboriginal people and other Canadians:

Rich country, poor Nations: 11 facts about the gap between First Nations and the rest of Canada

Posted by The Globe and Mail on Tuesday, 2 June 2015
Links to Coverage of the TRC Report:
  • Indian Affairs interfered with police investigations of residential school abuse: TRC (APTN National News)
  • Vancouver audience cheers Truth and Reconciliation report on residential schools (Tiffany Crawford and Jeff Lee, Vancouver Sun)
  • Truth and Reconciliation report brings calls for action, not words (Chloe Fedio, CBC News)
  • Murray Sinclair offers a path to a better Canada (Tim Harper, The Toronto Star)
  • Truth and Reconciliation: Genocide or not, Canada authored this story (The Globe and Mail)
  • Overly-sweeping reconciliation commission report misses chance to be effective (Michael Den Tandt, National Post)
  • A by-the-numbers look at the TRC's examination of residential schools (The Kelowna Daily Courier)

Update: More Articles and Radio Segments Added on June 3
  • Truth and Reconciliation Commission: By the numbers (Daniel Schwartz, CBC News)
  • In their words: What residential school survivors told the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (Amy Minsky, Global News)
  • What survivors told the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (The Ottawa Citizen)
  • Wab Kinew: Aboriginal success is the best form of reconciliation (National Post)
  • Clifton & Rubenstein: Debunking the half-truths and exaggerations in the Truth and Reconciliation report (The National Post)
  • 'Reconciliation is not an aboriginal problem, it is a Canadian problem. It involves all of us.' (As It Happens, CBC Radio)
  • Attitude change necessary to improve life for next generation of First Nations (John Ibbitson, The Globe and Mail)
  • Truth and Reconciliation: Genocide or not, Canada authored this story (Editorial, The Globe and Mail)
  • Wednesday June 03, 2015Justice Murray Sinclair: TRC report, second chance at equal relationship (The Current, CBC Radio)
  • Before reconciliation Canada must understand its own history (The Current, CBC Radio)
  • Education 'only way forward,' says David Johnston as TRC ends (Haydn Watters, CBC News)
  • Stephen Harper defends aboriginal affairs record in wake of residential schools report (Haydn Watters, CBC News)
  • Truth and Reconciliation chair urges Canada to adopt UN declaration on Indigenous Peoples (Haydn Watters, CBC News)

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